Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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