The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize