Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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