he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
