Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize