I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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