I got chris browned last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
