I am puke
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
