How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Jerry, you need to find god
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
