I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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