i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
