Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
