I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
