i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
