I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize