Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
