I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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