i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
