so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
