She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize