How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
