They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
