I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
