I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
