So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
