Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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