I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
