I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
