people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
