why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
