i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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