I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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