Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
