I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
