were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
