too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
