I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
