Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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