My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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