I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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