the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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