I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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