hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
