I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
