I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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