Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize