I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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