FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
