I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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