You can't motorboat a personality
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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