I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
