Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
