I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize