i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
