I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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