wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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