so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
