I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
