Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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