UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
