I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
