Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
