Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
