please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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