i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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