Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
