windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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