let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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