Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
