apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
