Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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