walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you didnt know i had herpes?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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