Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
