I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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